March 01 2011
Film-Flam
Years ago, a puzzle magazine called Games ran a contest involving scrambled movies. The idea was to rearrange a film title to spell a brief review, or a precis. The hands-down winner was a treatment of The Towering Inferno: NOT WORTH FIRE ENGINE.
Plenty of cinema has been made since, and the idea remains a gem. Surfing online I found a few cute variations on this theme, including:
The Player – Hype alert
Blade Runner – Near blunder
A Clockwork Orange – Wacko Anglo rocker
16 Candles – Clandestine sex
The Quiet American – Ahem, neat critique
If you find anymore worth retrieving on the net, then share them here. But let’s aim to wangle our own all-original renditions, with an Oscar up for grabs in one of three categories:
Best Critique (whether you agree with the opinion of not. For example: Rango – Groan)
Best Synopsis (deft precis of storyline. For example: The Silence of the Lambs – FBI meets con – he’s lethal.)
Best Treatment of Australian Movie (For example: Muriel’s Wedding – Wild nudes, grime)
Come Thursday’s pre-movie cocktails, I look forward to a BRIEF HOT FINALE (The Life of Brian). Get rolling, Ridley.
Comments
JD — 01 March at 08:39AM
To be topical to start with. Jackie Weaver's Oscar experience:
Animal Kingdom - Liking Madam? No.
DC — 01 March at 08:55AM
The Social Network: Know a lost heretic
DC — 01 March at 09:15AM
Let the Right One In: Hit teething loner
anax — 01 March at 09:52AM
The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
But wait - the hotel lies; there's no sex
JD — 01 March at 09:57AM
Is it fair if professionals enter amateur competitions? Only joking anax, it's great to have you here, and you certainly raise the competitive bar!
Sam — 01 March at 10:10AM
From noir themed discussions last week:
The Big Sleep – He lets P.I. beg
Henry Fool – oh, felonry
À Bout de Souffle – Fool's beaut fued
Nib — 01 March at 11:59AM
Dangit, BLACK SWAN was so close for 'CLAWS BACK'...
INCEPTION = INEPT ICON
TOY STORY THREE = RETRY TOY ETHOS
BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN =
ALL OF OUR KKK AREA STATES ARE AMAZING... NOT! A BEAR? GONE TOO FAR FOR BRILLIANT FUN. IS NICE! MUCH SUCCESS!
Eld Jaws Anon — 01 March at 12:19PM
star wars: R. was star! (cross-borrowing from Isaac Asimov with the "R." prefix, meaning "robot") - mainly thinking of R2D2's heroics all the way through the entire saga!
SK — 01 March at 12:37PM
SEX AND THE CITY TWO = CAST EXITED...WHY NOT?
DEBBIE DOES DALLAS = SEE LADS, BABE, DILDO...
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN = FUN ROLE...TRY ON CONDOM
JT — 01 March at 12:39PM
Debbie Does Dallas: Sees a dildo dabble
Deep Throat: Hot Peter Ad
Nib — 01 March at 12:44PM
THE SIXTH SENSE = HE EXISTS? SH!
THE USUAL SUSPECTS = HE'S SET US UP?! CULT AS.
[^sure there's a good sleuth, clue or step act anagram in there if someone can manage it]
HURT LOCKER = HURTLE ROCK / HURL ROCKET
dg — 01 March at 12:45PM
The Shining: The Inn? Sigh!
Careful He Might Hear You: Ahem! Rich fuel youth rage.
The Castle: Let's Cheat.
SK — 01 March at 12:54PM
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS = TRAIN BOGUS SOLDIERS
Nib — 01 March at 12:58PM
^Some nice ones there.
THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU =
UH, JUST A BRUNETTE DAME
SK — 01 March at 01:03PM
An alternative for INGLORIOUS BASTERDS = BOGUS SOLDIERS RAN IT
Sam — 01 March at 01:04PM
On the local front:
The Cars that ate Paris: It apes a crash threat
Boniface — 01 March at 01:19PM
SK - To qualify it'll need to be INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
dg — 01 March at 01:21PM
The Adventures Of Barry Mckenzie: BRAZEN, FRUSTRATIVE, CHEEKY DEMON
Alvon Purple: Up - an ill perv.
Don's Party: Nasty drop.
The Odd Angry Shot: Ahoy! Odd strength
Young Einstein: Toys in genuine
You And Your Stupid Mate: Do uneasy maturity 'do-up'
Love And Other Catastrophes: Adores hot chap over talents.
He Died With A Felafel In His Hand: Ha Ha! Ill-defined, fine death wish.
dg — 01 March at 01:30PM
Grindhouse: Rough, snide.
SK — 01 March at 01:32PM
Aha! Thanks Bon...I never realised there was a double deliberate misspelling. Back to the draweing boared.
GOOD WILL HUNTING = UNWILLING HOTDOG
SK — 01 March at 01:35PM
Ok then-
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS = BOGUS SOLDIERS IN A RUT
SK — 01 March at 01:47PM
LOOKING FOR ALIBRANDI = AFRAID I'LL GO IN, OR BONK
DC — 01 March at 01:50PM
I love the Cars that Ate Paris one.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Three thwart a sadly hale Python Lord
Wolf Creek: We're flock
The Proposition: Hot poison tripe
(a review I disagree with)
Sam — 01 March at 01:51PM
The Lost Boys - by toothless
Sam — 01 March at 02:06PM
Predator: pro-rated or parroted?
Mauve — 01 March at 02:10PM
The Ten Commandments = Shammed Contentment
It also could've been "Madman contents them" but for an a/e switch
The Exorcist = Retch, so exit
and scarily...
Lawrence Of Arabia = Beware a focal Iran
Sam — 01 March at 02:42PM
thanks DC.
From an earlier puzzle:
Serpico - Cop's ire
Boniface — 01 March at 03:29PM
Murder on the Orient Express:
Expos on thirteen murderers
SK — 01 March at 03:38PM
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN = BARBARIAN THEFT O' PIECES
DC — 01 March at 03:49PM
To follow on the theme of vampire movies with teeth:
Interview with the Vampire: View teeth hit warm vein. RIP!
(I almost got a reference to Viper teeth in, given River Phoenix's fate, but it didn't quite work.)
SK — 01 March at 04:03PM
THELMA AND LOUISE = DAMES IN AUTO HELL
philth — 01 March at 04:14PM
wow SK - nice!
all i can offer is my critique of
BATTLEFIELD EARTH =AT IT, HATRED BEFELL
Mr X — 01 March at 04:19PM
The "winner" of this year's Golden Razzie for Worst Film of the Year was "The Last Airbender" which explains its anagramatic reviews of:
"Hates" and "Terrible"
Alec Ihm — 01 March at 04:37PM
It doesn't match the film but I like it how BLACK SWAN is a mixture of BACK LAWNS.
Alec Ihm — 01 March at 04:40PM
And RABBIT HOLE being a mix of HER BOBTAIL, sadly no bobtailed rabbits in sight.
philth — 01 March at 05:00PM
how about
LAWRENCE OF ARABIA - FOE IN CABAL WAR ERA
JD — 01 March at 06:05PM
In keeping with storm tradition:
YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER:
Naomi Watts- Talker ruled regally.
SK — 02 March at 08:59AM
Sticking with our Naomi, a possible description of her character in the film (or possibly the director David Lynch...)-
MULHOLLAND DRIVE = LIVED HARD ON MULL
PULP FICTION = FUN PILOT PIC
DA — 02 March at 09:36AM
Seems the critic didn't warm to Naomi's Chinese sortie, THE PAINTED VEIL: Inept, vile, hated!
Crocodile Dundee II = docile curio, indeed
Little Fish = still thief
Shine = He's in
Nib — 02 March at 10:16AM
TEN CANOES = OCEAN NETS
DA — 02 March at 10:23AM
Gday Nib - loved your Sixth Sense too. An Aussie selection -
Romulus My Father - From huts, may rule
DA — 02 March at 10:30AM
Forbidden Lies has penty of gold too? Bored infidels? In-bore fiddles? Foibles ridden?
Nib — 02 March at 10:36AM
SCHINDLER'S LIST = HITLER'S SS IN LCD
THE MATRIX = HATTER MIX
PAN'S LABYRINTH = PRY BANAL HINTS
PRS — 02 March at 11:50AM
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM = ULTIMATE BENT HUMOUR
PRS — 02 March at 11:58AM
ANGELS AND DEMONS = AN ENDED LONG MASS
Sam — 02 March at 12:03PM
Nice one Boniface - with Ratchett's original crime it does make 13!
Witches of Eastwick - Whew! Tickets fiasco
And if it wasn't for a stray B, Beowulf would have been woeful!
Boniface — 02 March at 12:12PM
Throw Momma from the train - Informer: What mammoth rot!
DA — 02 March at 12:17PM
Fine Witches, Sam - and love your Bourne scramble too, PRS.
Why not Beowulf - woeful (B)?
Shades of Piranha in 3-D - thinner idea (harp)
philth — 02 March at 12:35PM
DA - i believe for that Beowulf synopsis to work it needs to be spelt starting with a letter a bit further down the alphabet...
The Man from Snowy River: Farm rover myth - no swine!
philth — 02 March at 12:36PM
Trainspotting - trip on tasting...
JD — 02 March at 01:17PM
Mars Attacks: Star mask act
Sam — 02 March at 01:31PM
Thanks DA - and it works as a B movie... but for brilliant A grade B movies you cant go past:
Night of the Living Dead - Loved in-death fighting
Boniface — 02 March at 02:08PM
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle -
A clunky feed - known overrated bullshit.
Rupert — 02 March at 02:10PM
Strange Bedfellows = New fags beset? Droll.
Sam — 02 March at 03:15PM
Brief Encounter - Cor! Bereft ennui
ML — 02 March at 03:22PM
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert : Transvestite sent off, oh - he required dull peace
Boniface — 02 March at 03:58PM
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey:
Grubby, ill-adjusted no-ones.
ML — 02 March at 04:54PM
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Tooth fairy can collect cad here - ha!
Sam — 02 March at 05:26PM
Young Frankenstein - Gene: Funny kino star
Resident Evil - Net devilries
SK — 02 March at 05:31PM
I'm sorry, but somebody has to do it...
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN = REMAIN OUTBACK, BONK
SK — 02 March at 05:57PM
BASIC INSTINCT = SIN BIN TACTICS
PRS — 02 March at 06:48PM
The Devil wears Prada = The parade was drivel
PRS — 02 March at 06:56PM
The Odessa File = These odes fail
PRS — 02 March at 07:10PM
Only Two Can Play - Coyly plan a town
Sam — 02 March at 07:43PM
Twenty-Eight Days Later: Stayer, with edgy talent
Boniface — 02 March at 08:28PM
Carry on up the Khyber:
Perch on a horn - turkey
(here, a horn is a pyramidal mountain peak, especially one having concave faces carved by glaciation - almost an arete!)
PRS — 02 March at 08:39PM
Educating Rite = Radiating Cute
PRS — 02 March at 09:57PM
Quantum of Solace =
No Factual Mosque
Quote: Famous Clan
PRS — 02 March at 10:02PM
All About Eve = Love tableau
PRS — 02 March at 10:18PM
Intolerable Cruelty = Note: Liberal Cruelty
philth — 02 March at 10:29PM
SK - you may have crossed a line there, but you have inspired me to live up to my unfortunate combination of name +initials:
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN - OUTBACK, MEN BONK, RIM (A+)
PRS — 02 March at 10:36PM
Beverley Hills Cop = Billy: Speech Lover, or Billy: Clever Hopes
*** Warning *** (Poor) Taste Alert ***
and = Beryl's pelvic hole (off topic, but irresistible)
PRS — 02 March at 10:40PM
Eyes Wide Shut = See Why Suited
PRS — 02 March at 10:43PM
The Dancer Upstairs = Unpractised Hearts
PRS — 02 March at 10:49PM
Mao's Last Dancer = Scandal to smear
reheated — 03 March at 01:47AM
Terminator Salvation = A more vital star not in.
Sam — 03 March at 08:54AM
An awkward one, but here goes:
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead: And can a Zen Dane err guilder-toss trend?
PRS — 03 March at 02:24PM
The King's Speech = He Henpecks Gist
SK — 03 March at 04:05PM
Depending on your taste in Tarentino, RESERVOIR DOGS could be either-
= DRESS GROOVIER, or
= ERR...GROSS VIDEO
Nib — 04 March at 11:03AM
Laughed at reheated's Terminator find. :D
DC — 04 March at 11:40AM
Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair
Oh, low fib: I'll flay lethal Bride, ok?
robskee — 04 March at 09:10PM
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
= Technicolor UFOs, E.T., THE END. Drinks?