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Flim-Flam Festival Winners

5 March, 2011

Forget the box office. This movie-Storm went closer to kick-boxing, the pace so fast, and the talent so stunning. As the lone judge left standing in Cannes, I’m feeling concussed. Reeling even. Must I choose? Seriously? Okay, for the purpose of your BAFTA bling, your Globes and Palmes etc, here goes:


The Exorcist = Retch, so exit [Mauve suffers a technicolor yawn.]

Night of the Living Dead – Loved in-death fighting [Grave praise from Sam]

The Last Airbender = “Hates” and “Terrible” [Mr X’s raspberry for this year’s Razzie winner]

Witches of Eastwick = Whew! Tickets fiasco [Sam seems genuinely miffed by this magical misfire]

Young Frankenstein = Gene: Funny kino star [Sam goes wild for Wilder]

AND THE WINNER: Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey = Grubby, ill-adjusted no-ones [Not a film I’ve seen, but Boniface stones the stoner genre with deadeye touch.]



The Sixth Sense = He Exists? Sh! [Nib applies the ultimate spoiler alert.]

Inglourious Basterds = Bogus Soldiers In A Rut [Once he figured out the spelling, SK shone.]

Brokeback Mountain = Remain Outback, Bonk [SK does some fine wranglin’]

Debbie Does Dallas = See Lads, Babe, Dildo… […and he doesn’t stop there!]

Murder on the Orient Express = Expos on thirteen murderers [Only reason Boniface DIDN’T claim Uncle Oscar is the reuse of ‘on’. But honestly, this is a mind-spinning anagram.]

AND THE WINNER: Thelma And Louise = Dames In Auto Hell [SK hints at the high-flying finale with Ebert panache. Exquisite.


Wolf Creek = We’re Flock [Pithy, vicarious and aptly ovine words from DC]

Animal Kingdom = Liking Madam? No. [JD echoes the Academy with aplomb]

Love And Other Catastrophes = Adores hot chap over talents [dg revives an indie gem]

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert = Transvestite sent off, oh – he required dull peace [ML almost bites off more than s/he can chew, but dines in style.]

The Proposition = Hot Poison Tripe [DC defies his own response to concoct vitriol.]

AND THE WINNER: The Man from Snowy River = Farm rover myth – no swine! [Philth touches on veracity with perspicacity. Encore, mate!]

A five-star tempest, all homegrown Halliwells. Thanks for a memorable festival. See you in the stalls for The Perfect Storm next week.


Welcome to the new forum. Looks scary? It’s not. Feels iffy? It ain’t. The DisQus platform is here to block spam and lend us more chat options. That’s all. Please note, you don’t have to create a DisQus account to make a comment. If you do, however, it will speed your future visits. Be assured no details are abused, misused or reused. Let’s fight spam as one, and get back to the grand conversation. Thanks, DA

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